I Want to be Clean
by Kiyusa
Summary: "I wanted him. I wanted him to save me." Warnings: Girl Yugi, mentions of rape. Oneshot. Please read the note inside before reading. YxYY/Atemu


_A/N: Okay, there are a few things you need to know before reading this story. One, Yugi is a girl. Two, this story has two viewpoints and bounces back and forth between Yugi and Atemu. You have to keep this in mind or the story will get confusing. I tried to make it so they have two paragraphs before switching, but it may not always be the case._

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-OH!

I Want to be Clean

The events of last week still haunted my mind. Physical evidence of the "incident" still resided on my wrists. I have been wearing gloves the past week in order to avoid questions and suspicions. Sleep never seemed like the plague until our last date night.

Atemu and I have been a couple for about six months. Never had I had someone whom I could be my true self without the fear of being judged. He made me happy, content and important. I would not trade him for anything. But I am not sure when we will go out again.

I still cannot believe what happened! If I ever get my hands on those bastards they will regret they ever crossed Yugi!

She didn't deserve this. Her wrists still bore evidence of the torture she went through. If only I had been stronger, more alert, then maybe she wouldn't have suffered.

Since the "encounter" I can't bring myself to take her out. I fear that next time, it will be worse. I still fear that I cannot protect her.

I watched the television screen as it hummed, hoping it would get rid of the memories. I wanted to continue on with my life, to stop fearing the future, but it was hard. I felt his breath every time I was alone. I heard his lust-filled chuckle as I sat in silence. I could see his face every time I closed my eyes. This was something I couldn't shake off, and Atemu knew that.

I felt Atemu shift his weight on the sofa. I smiled as a glanced at him. Even if we didn't go out, I still wanted to spend time with him. Even if it meant eating dinner at his home and watching television, as long as I was with him, it was alright.

The hum of the television did little to distract my thoughts. I wanted to make Yugi forget everything, to have her be free from her fear and doubt. But I couldn't find a way. I couldn't think of a way to erase the event from her mind. That's what really pisses me off. I can't find a way to comfort my girlfriend, the one I know I want to be with the rest of my life.

I saw Yugi give me a smile as I shifted my weight. I smiled back, hoping to reassure her. I wasn't sure if it was forced or genuine, but I didn't want to make her feel bad or unloved. That is the last thing I want her to feel.

I could tell Atemu was uneasy. Something in his eyes, I think. I scooted closer to him, leaning on my boyfriend, feeling the warmth of his body heat against mine. This is the kind of contact I wanted. I didn't want to think about last week. Atemu wasn't like that. He would never.

I exhaled slowly, sinking deeper into Atemu's body. It didn't matter if his family was upstairs; I wanted to be with him, only him.

I tensed slightly as I felt Yugi's body against mine. Shifting my eyes I watched her exhale, falling deeper into my side. I hesitated before wrapping my arm around her shoulders, being careful of her wrists. I wasn't sure if my actions would cause her pain. But I wanted to hold her. I wanted to make her forget.

I kissed the top of her head. I wanted to let her know that I would always be there for her, that I would never leave her alone. But after the incident, I wasn't sure how, or if, I should. I vowed to do anything to protect her. I wish I had the power to see into the future, for what happened next.

"A woman was found raped near the corner of third and 21st, in the Bloodlight District. Some people believe it was work of the Tang Gang who currently…"

I jumped as I reached for the remote, turning off the television. I wished I could have covered Yugi's ears.

"I'm sorry Yugi."

I failed to look at Atemu. The news report reminded me, no forced me back to the events of last week. I was doing so well, but now… I stroked my wrists, trying to remove the physical pain and the emotional pain.

"Yugi?"

I called her name again. I could tell she was no longer in the room. The sound of the Tang Gang had forced her back to that day, a day I wanted so badly to make her forget.

"Yugi?"

I looked at Atemu as he whispered my name in concern. His eyes gave an apologetic glow. He was always worried about me. Atemu wanted me to be safe.

I pulled my head away from his gaze. I felt violated, disgusted. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. No matter how many times I showered, I never felt clean. If I stood in silence, my own screams reverberated in my ears. For a week I dealt with these emotions, with this pain. I wanted it to end.

I could feel Yugi tense. I hated this. I was her boyfriend, yet I did not know how to help her. Dammit! Why did this have to happen? I could kill those bastards for what they done to Yugi. They took away her innocence. They almost took away her life.

I waited in silence as I let her deal with the emotions. It was killing me just waiting. Finally, she turned towards me.

I looked at his crimson eyes, filled with love and concern. He knew that the "incident" affected me. I told him not to beat himself up about it, but he still did. He swore to protect me, yet it happened.

I reached for his face, careful not to bend my wrists. He allowed me to cup his cheeks. I wanted him. I wanted him to save me.

Our lips connected. I let out a moan in pleasure to reassure her actions. I felt her body relax as she moved her hands from my cheeks to the back of my neck. The new leverage caused Yugi to kiss me more forcefully, which I happily returned.

I had waited until Yugi was ready. I had been a week since we kissed like this. I wasn't sure when we would kiss like this again. But I was not going to complain.

While the kiss continued, I crept closer to Atemu's body, forcing him to slip lower onto the sofa. I felt him press against my chest, motioning he needed air. I obliged and broke contact. I opened my eyes to find us in the correct position. Perfect.

I leaned forward again, kissing his soft lips, gently using my hands to support his head. Feeling his tongue I opened my mouth. His tongue felt good in my mouth. I broke away, ready for anything.

"Yugi…"

My voice whispered her name. I was so happy to have her back in my arms, holding her and kissing her as we did before. But I wasn't ready for what happened next.

"Atemu… take me."

Not wanting to hear a verbal response, I pressed my lips against his once more, reaffirming my desire. I wanted him. I wanted him to make me clean. I broke the kiss again.

"What… what did you say?"

My voice shook at the words. Did she really say that, or was I dreaming. Never did I expect her to want to make love, especially when my parents were home. I watched as Yugi leaned towards my ear.

"Take me."

I felt Atemu shiver underneath me as a whispered into his ear. Using my lips I created a trail of kisses down his jaw line to his mouth. I inched my body closer, allowing no air to escape between us. Once again, I kissed him, full of lust and desire. My fingers now entangled in his hair, not wanting to let go.

I relaxed into Yugi's kiss, not wanting to scare her. But something bothered me, something which made me hesitate. I have always looked forward for the day when Yugi would ask me to make love to her. But this was different.

I felt her hand brush against my member, signaling her desire. I began to tense. I opened my eyes as she left my lips, staring back at hers. Desperation; that is what filled her eyes. Suddenly I knew why I wanted, no, needed to hesitate.

Atemu grabbed my hand gently and removed it from his pants. I raised my head at the sudden movement. All I saw were his eyes, filled with concern and sadness. I wasn't ready for his reply.

"I won't."

I watched her expression of lust transform into hurt. I knew she didn't want to hear those words, but I knew the reason for this sudden interest in sex. I would not put her through this, even if she was asking for it. I wanted to help her, but not like this.

"Please take me."

I pleaded to my boyfriend. My voice began to shake. I wanted him to save me, to give me a better feeling, to rid myself of the feeling of that man touching me and kissing me. Only Atemu's touch could wash away that feeling. And he was not even trying.

"Yugi, you don't want this. You told me you only wanted to have sex when the time is right. Now is not the time."

Tears began to fill her eyes. The expression of sorrow and hopelessness broke my heart. She knew I was right, but the pain pushed her reasoning away.

"Please…"

I began to get desperate. I wanted nothing more than to be clean. Yet Atemu wouldn't move, wouldn't have sex with me. Water drenched my cheeks. All the pain I have been feeling released in one motion. I lowered my head on his chest, never relenting my sobbing. I clenched his clothes in my fists, not wanting to let go.

I wrapped my arms around Yugi, gripping her tightly. I let her cry, allowing all the pain to come out. I could never understand the pain she was going through, but I would be there, supporting her. She may never forget the men who molested her, but as long as I live, I will always be there to comfort her, to hold her as she cries.


End file.
